How Not To Be A Sidechick



Unlike those days when being a man’s mistress was very shameful, being a sidechick these days has almost become a thing to be proud of. Women bear the sidechick title with pride as if it is not an embarrassing thing. Thanks to TV series like Scandal, Love & Hip Hop and Being Mary Jane, the culture of having a sidechick is becoming a societal norm. On the radio, TV, blogs, guys are being advised to have another woman asides their main woman and women are being told to consider the possible benefits of being a man’s sidechick. Women are made to believe they are lucky if a man chose them as a mistress because he may finally leave the real wife or girlfriend for her. Women are being encouraged to embrace their position as sidechicks because it is more beneficial but on careful thoughts, there are no real advantages in being just a man’s booty call. Apart from the material gifts and the steaming sexual sessions, there are no real benefits to becoming any man’s mistress.

Sidechicks are who they are; a man’s sex object with no future. And no woman should ever settle for less than they deserve except you are not the type of lady that wants to be committed and attached to any man. The sidechick title is not a cool one especially when you want more from your relationship.

These are some of the ways to avoid being a sidechick:

#1. DEFINE WHAT YOU NEED: for most people who are sidechicks, they are confused about what they really need from a man. They mistake true love for physical attraction and unfounded emotions which make them settle for whatever it is that comes their way that looks like what they think they need. To avoid being a sidechick, think about what you truly need from a relationship and let that guide your relationship goals and decisions. Do not base on your choice of your immediate needs but long term needs that will sustain and keep the relationship going.

#2. DECIDE WHETHER YOU WANT TO WIN OR BE HAPPY: most of the people who are sidechicks are always about the material things they are getting. They want to flaunt their wealth and expensive gadgets to their friends. You have to understand that every relationship is not about the physical gifts. You don’t have to settle for less just because you are trying to live a fake, extravagant life. No faster way to be a sidechick than to announce to every man you meet that you are “expensive” to maintain, that’s like selling your wares to the highest bidder without putting so much into consideration.

#3. PAY ATTENTION TO YOURSELF:most sidechicks are often so because they are not presentable. Pay close attention to how you look. You do not have to be overdressed and heavily made up before you look beautiful. Be confident with your body and look for ways to improve on your looks. When you are making the decision of looking better, make sure it is for yourself and not for anybody.

#4. ATTITUDE TRIUMPHS OVER EVERYTHING: every man wants a woman that will give him peace of mind and make his life a living hell. If you have a terrible attitude, you can never win a man’s heart. Apart from working on yourself, you have to work on your character and your self esteem to attract the right person that will respect you for who you are. Be confident, be yourself and have an admirable attitude that draw the kind of man you need to you.

#5. NOT HOW HARD BUT HOW WELL:it’s not about hard you try to win a man over but how well you understand what a relationship truly entails. Too much hard work can be a great source of frustration and pain when your efforts are not rewarded with the results you want. Work on your relationship with logic and reason and not with maximum effort.

If you are already a sidechick and you want to stop being one, these are some of the things to do:

#EMBRACE ACCEPTANCE: the first step is accepting the fact that he is with another person and nothing you can do will make him leave her for you.  Accept the fact that other people are very unhappy especially his girlfriend because of you and that the situation is not who you are but who you think your reality is. You also have accept that you can do better and you deserve better.

#LEARN HOW TO BE INDEPENDENT:stop seeing every man as an opportunity to acquire wealth. Look for a job that will give you a chance to get the things you want. Be contented with the little you can get and never date any man just because your friends are dating wealthy guys. Getting a man is never a competition, pick a man because you truly have found what need in him.

#CUT BACK ON THE SEX: since sex is the only reason he is with you, cut back the number of times you have sex with him. Once he is not getting what he wants from you, he will leave you alone.

#START DISCOVERING WHO YOU ARE:start working on yourself. Discover what you want and understand what you are looking out for in a man. Do not build your relationship goals based on fantasies, always be realistic. Put in your mind always that anyone can find a happy relationship. Do not see yourself as too messed up for love. Fall in love with yourself all over again.

Olusegun Adeyemi

Writer | Entrepreneur | Lover of good music.

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